I Really Should Study

So, I came across the following status update by a friend of mine,

Joel ****** is proud of everyone who is finishing school, and hoping lauren kicks some ass on her final manana!

WTF is “manana”?

Seriously, how fucking uber ghey is that shit?

I can understand that you love your woman and shit but in no should your facebook status be dedicated to making a fool out of yourself in the name of love. If I want to show my woman that I love her, I show in private. In the bed, you know…that kind of shit. I don’t go all ghey on my facebook status. Any reasonable thinking woman should leave her man if goes emo with his facebook status game.

You have to keep to keep it real with your facebook game, y’know? Your status is only for like important shit like telling your homeboys that you just took a shower or bragging about how many fatties you’ve banged. Not for shit like, “Ï love you, baby”

Get with it, people. Get fucking with it.

Fuck father's day. Fathers are fucking lame and overrated, call me when something good is on...


...so my ex and I had a "talk" about what caused the split. I aired out my concerns and felt a load kinda sorta ish of my shoulders. I guess the venting helped. Every time we broke up or took a break, about 3 or so in total, I always felt it was my fault.

On her 18th birthday, her ex called her. He said some shit about about waiting for her to turn legal sine he was a pedo fucktard. He was seeing some other chick but she had a kid so he was backing out, i.e. no action. He said he wanted her as more than a friend and she should call him when she was done with me. I guess it piqued her interest and she got all "what if" with it. He then wanted her as a lover when she was in town or something like that, i.e. regular sex once she set foot back home. This was all regular guy nonsense. When a guy starts running a cold streak, he calls up his ex girlfriends and starts cooking up some shit to get sexy time. Look, I'm a guy and I'll run that game when it's needed. I'm being very fucking honest here. Anyhow, she felt she wasn't being fair to me because she was thinking about him in "that" way or I think that's what she said. I'm a bad listener so don't judge me. I remember I had a panic attack that night. I was damn near crying and she wasn't picking my calls. I never thought I'd see the day where I would get a get panic attacks because of a woman. God,I'm such a punk bitch. Speaking of panic attacks, the first time I got one of those was when he called while I was with her. She figured I could hear the conversation so she turned down the volume. Not satisfied, she went to the bathroom. It was like uncontrollable rage. I wanted to smash something but there was nothing to smash. She hung up seeing my discomfort but it still happened. Ohshit...I think I drifted a bit. After we took a break, we decided to get back together because I was a shitty mess without her. I think that was the first time i ever told her that she was the best thing to happen in my life. It became a subsequent means of trying to get her to stay when she was going to leave me.


The second time was when my parents were getting divorced. She got kissed by her ex. She told me about how she dreamt of sex or something like that with him. Normally, a rational human would have cut his losses and called it quits. Well, considering the other fuckery that was going on at that point, I think I needed stability. Christmas sucked but I talked her out of it. I even made sure that I didn't try to force her to choose between both guys. A new year came, we decided to start anew.


A ton a fights later we had our third split. I think it is funny how we fought over the dumbest shit. Like the whole sexy time thing. At beginning of the year, she was like, "NO sexy time". I'm like, "Ok, I can do that." Then each and every time I refused and she got "frustrated", she got mad at me. I pick my battles so I every time I oblige, I mean every guy loves sexy time so don't give me shit. But the next day she would get all regretful about the whole shit and tell me to stick to my "NO" next time. I drifted again...where was I? Oh, the third split. There was the guy on her floor that she had a ridiculous crush on. She even had this blog post about it, I remember reading it at work and going batshit mad. I talked to her about it and she decided that I was becoming just a friend to her. So we decided to be friends. I remember reading that text and not even reacting. I just worked out and didn't feel the urge to call her back. It wasn't like the other times that I wanted to get back by any means possible. I just wanted to go home and take a nap. I called her later though. That was when I discovered that I always avoid confrontation and let her win all the time. And how I always let her have it the way she wanted.

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, I THOUGHT THAT WAS ME BEING A BOYFRIEND. WHAT THE FUCK???

A couple of nights later, I was DD for a group of friends. I was shit sober and everyone was coupled up so I send her a facebook message about wanting to get back together.

She agreed.

As usual, the fights followed, then the whole cheating incident happened and I finally decided to call it quits.

In a way I feel bad for not giving her chance when she said she'd change and everything would be better. But again, she said that every time we split, she knew we'd get back together because I'm a punk bitch (my words not hers but still the same idea). In other words, I was getting played. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if the crush actually liked her and made a move for her. Would she stay or would she leave? What was more appealing: me or the convenience of the relationship?

I always took each split as my fault. I wasn't being a good boyfriend or I wasn't appreciating her enough. Then there was the whole good guy or bad guy conundrum? Do I do what a good boyfriend should be doing because that's what comes natural and seems rational? Or do I go the bad guy route of imposing my will every time because she, like every other girl, likes the bad guy?

At the end of the day, relationships are just one big fuckery. Maybe we were better as just friends. Friends...something she doesn't want to be with me at this time. I think it is ironic that every time we split, she said we should be "friends" and now that I did the splitting, she refuses my "friendship". So much for BFFs then. I think, this post is becoming too long so I'll stop right here.

i am petty, bitter and vindictive. I hold grudges and i never forget. If you did it to me, best believe i'll get you back. Vengeance is mine, the Lord has better things to do.

So let's understand a couple of things...

Did you cheat on the woman?

Yes, I did.


Did I cheat because she wasn't attractive/good enough?

Hell fucking NO. I cheated because I'm an asshole and it comes with the territory. What is to be understood is that all guys are fucking dickbags and deserve to be exterminated from earth

Notice how you try to spread the blame


Did I break up with her because of the other woman?

Nope.

Then, why did I break up with her?

At first, I suggested we take a break because I didn't feel honest being with her if I couldn't stop myself from cheating again.

I also think it's hilarious that you have a code of ethics despite the shit you did.

I felt i needed a break to figure out what was wrong.


What the fuck are you saying? You are confusing me now. You still hung out with this girl. How in fucks name were you figuring shit out? You, my friend, are full of shit.

Ok, I can take that. I'll be honest now. None of this convoluted bullshit. I broke up with the woman because I was tired of the relationship. I was tired of the fighting and the inane arguments. I was tired of being dumped. I was tired of trying to work things out. I was tired of convincing her it was worth fighting for. I was tired of having panic attacks every time we broke up/ "took a break". Long distance relationships take a whole fucking lot of effort to make it work. And God knows how much I put into this relationship. So don't fucking judge me for getting tired.


All that is no excuse for cheating.

It isn't. I cheated because I wanted to. It was ALL ME. It was going to blow up soon, the fact that I cheated just sped things up.

So technically Nosa cheated.

Ok, Nosa cheated. There are no two ways about it. He could have stopped her but he didn't. He stood there and let it happen. That alone constititutes cheating.

Why would you go see someone that is not your girlfriend at 10 pm?

Why would you still be with said girl at 1 am?

Clearly, nothing good was going to come out of it but Nosa stayed. That's his fucking fault. Nosa deserves the shitstorm that follows. At least he told the woman, I guess he gains one point from the million he lost.

Funny how this follows the friend-gate fiasco. Remember how Nosa got all mad at how grimey the world is?

At the end of the day, you have to realize that all boys are fucking assholes. We just come in different shades and flavors, but assholes all the same.

Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you...yea right.

So, the woman and I broke up. Despite this, we trying to find a way to make it work somehow.

Well, a friend of mine told her that he loved her and wanted to come see her.

Ok, that's cool.

He tells her not to tell anyone but she tells me.

It's still cool.

I just happen to be chilling in a friend's house with this "friend". I'm on the phone with the woman and he wants me to ask if he remembers what they talked about.

Now, that's just fucking disrespectful.

FYI, I had been referring to the woman as my girlfriend all weekend.

Funniest commercial EVAR!!!




POST. SEASON. GET. EXCITED

$20 CHINESE FOOD!!

UPDATE: Follow up ad has been released

This is where I should have been but I had to study.

FML


You hear those wimmenz singing? I probably would have been the loudest one of them.



I need to step my Mo City Don game up, I only know about 70% of that song. Been here like 3 years and I still don't know it. WTF! I'll be in Houston a lot this summer so I better learn that shit.

On a serious note, how many artists without albums sell out shows? And in Houston of all places...Drake doesn't even have a major video out. Replacement Girl didn't really get a lot of spins as far as I know. Every Girl is probably the only one out and it isn't his song. If Drake doesn't do Wayne numbers then something is seriously wrong.

Vids jacked from Nah Right BTW.

I just DLed the Relapse (the FBI is probably at my door as I type) and I think it's amazing, contrary to popular belief.


I'll probably put up a review after finals or after my Fluids final tomorrow. In light of my recent Eminem binge, I thought I'd give my favorite Eminem albums EVAR

1. The Marshall Mathers LP
2. The Eminem Show
   
3. The Slim Shady LP
4. Relapse
5. Encore

That Re-Up bullshit doesn't count.

Gas prices might be high but parking the bus in front of goal never works

I had this draft but never posted it.

Today epitomizes this post to the core.

United up by 3 on aggregate...game is not over though.


UPDATE: 4-1 on aggregate. Fletcher sent off but I hate that motherfucker anyway.

*********
Manchester United was the first soccer team I ever knew. The reason for that was they were the only controllable team on the first soccer game I ever owned on my Amiga. I was like 6ish when I got that game. I remember my stepmom had just taken her kids away and the first cracks in my parents’ marriage were becoming evident. I remember begging my mom to make it work for my sake. I cried when she wanted to pack her stuff and head out.

When they had arguments I would wander into my own little world where I was Sir Alex Ferguson. It was ’92 team if I remember correctly. It had a young Ryan Giggs and the impeccable Pallister-Bruce combo. There was no Beckham back then, it was Kanchelskis running down the wing. I never won anything in that game, I doubt I completed a full season. I remember always getting beat by Barcelona, can’t remember the score though.

I guess that’s how I became a United fan. They were always there. When my mum and my dad fought, I could always turn to United to make the pain go away. I could always run up to my room, grab my joystick and try to beat Barcelona for the umpteenth time.

I once read something along the lines of, “…you can change jobs, change wives but you can never change your club”.

That statement couldn’t be any truer even if Barack Obama said it. United could get relegated, AIG could fold and leave United mired in debt but United will still be there. Always ready to whisk me away when the going gets tough.

Last semester, my parents got divorced/separated a couple of days before finals.

This semester, I break up a couple of days before finals.


I am awesome...now get me a drink.

...don't jealous me.





That is all.

I read this on deadspin today,

This is something I can't wait to tell my kids, "when Daddy was out of college, he played football in Europe, visited Spain and got attacked by Nigerian prostitutes as he exited a bar at 4am drunk off of CruzCampo." Who thought that the stories of my days playing football in Europe would have so little to do with football and so much to do with European night life.

I left this bar in Spain at closing time, and to be honest it was time for me to go. There's only so many times you can fall off a barstool and still be served. I make my way to in the street and immediately received what the Austrians call "Luft-Schlagen" or "the air slap" Meaning when the cold night air hits delivers an immediate, sobering blow to your rosy cheeks. Imagine my continued surprise, when in the post luft-schlagen moment I was mobbed by no less than seven Nigerian whores.

Should I issue the "my best friend is black" disclaimer on this next part? Probably. But these women were dark. Like Wesley Snipes black. Like the guy from "Blood Diamond" (or was it "Amistad?") black. Next thing I know I am being hounded for sex, each one offering a more competitive price than the next, then sweetening the deal with claims "No AIDS, baby!" and "I don't have The Germ." Next thing I knew I felt hands reaching in my pockets; grabbing, touching, stroking. Then one of these night walkers found the ultimate prize.

No not my penis. My Orbit gum. It should be noted that good gum is impossible to find in Europe. So this package of winter mint was worth its weight in gold, and like piranhas to an injured calf, they were off of me and tearing apart a package of chewing gum.

I laughed all the way home. Then I woke up on the kitchen floor the next day.

Just wonderful...abso-fucking-lutely wonderful.